You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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