im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize