i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
