and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
