Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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