Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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