I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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