Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
