i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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