I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
