Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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