So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
