I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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