whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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