Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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