I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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