Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
