Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
