OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
