i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
