She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
