Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
