Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
