She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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