if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
