those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
