i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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