you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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