should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
