He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
