i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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