Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
