nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
