btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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