Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
