is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
