nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
