I smell stomach acid.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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