Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
