Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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