and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
