Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Never joke about your clitoris.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
