Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Girls should come with a carfax report
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
