Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
