I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
