Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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