im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
