listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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