we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
