I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
