why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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