Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
