Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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