My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
NoShamevember. You game?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
