and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
