i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
