So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
