Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize