no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
