I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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