he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We named our party play list daddy issues
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
