I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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