oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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