no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
