I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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