3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
3 2 1 whiskey
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
