before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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