There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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