why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
