Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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