I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
