He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
