I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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