You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
COCAINE IS GR8
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
