I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
