I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
why is half of my head shaved?
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