Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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