i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
