i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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