Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
