Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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