every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
