Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
